There's No Place Like Home
by Emelhi
Summary: Alex returns to the flat he shares with Tom with a crash. It just goes to show that there really is no place like home. Short little one-shot.


**So I pounded this out like ten minutes ago and decided to post it just because I can. I haven't posted anything for a looong looong time. It's a silly little one-shot and pretty rough. Enjoy anyway!**

Disclaimer: Anything you recognize from the AR series isn't mine. Obviously.

* * *

Nothing short of a miracle could pry Tom Harris out of bed before noon on the weekend. So it was no surprise that the loud crash that vibrated through the small flat didn't elicit even a twitch of response. Nor did the uproar following the initial crash cause a reaction**.**

Tom would have been perfectly content to live the rest of his life firmly snuggled in the cocoon of blankets he had wrapped around himself. With allowances to the toilet and fridge, of course. And possibly a few breaks to wander to the football field.

It was the shattering of glass that finally encouraged Tom to wearily blink his eyes open**. **The only glass in the house, excluding windows, was the dishes he had finally gotten around to washing. The mound of dirty cups and plates had been overflowing from the sink and seeing as Alex hadn't been around to do his usual housewife routine, Tom had to resort to washing them himself. They had not, however, made it to the cupboard yet and Tom prayed for the soul who dared disturb his progress.

At a thud followed by a string of curses, Tom finally gathered his strength and rolled out of bed. Miscalculating how intertwined he was with the blankets, he lost control and ended up in an elegant pile sprawled across the floor. Cursing his luck and the bastard who woke him, Tom staggered to his feet and weaved sleepily to the door.

Finally reaching the kitchen, Tom looked at the clock before turning to his blond sometimes-roommate that he hadn't seen in nearly three weeks.

"Dammit Alex. It's nine o'clock in the morning!"

Completely unfazed at the sight of his best friend tying up a bleeding stranger, Tom glowered at Alex.

"It's nearly ten."

The amused smirk plastered on Alex's face did nothing to appease his anger. Tom silently sulked in the corned as Alex started to secure zip-ties around the man's wrists.

"Shouldn't you put plastic bags around his hands or something?"

"What?" Alex stopped what he was doing, completely baffled by the question.

"People always escape when they can reach for stuff with their fingers. You do it all the time."

Alex stared at his dark-haired friend for a moment, contemplating whether to humor him or not.

"We got any?"

There was a pause.

"No. But we got boxing gloves. Those would work just as well."

Ducking from the room, Tom started rummaging around in the hallway closet. Alex smiled to himself, glad to be back in the company of his slightly neurotic best-friend. It was always a refreshing change to return to the chaos of living with Tom. No one could ever accuse the boy of being boring.

Finding the treasure he was looking for, Tom grabbed the gloves and tossed them to Alex. He caught them with no problem, but failed to hide the slight wince the action produced. Observing Alex as he strapped on the gloves and tightened the bindings, Tom took his first good look at his roommate. Considering how terribly Alex had been hurt on occasion, he was looking fairly well this time. But that was just a testament to how beat-up he had actually returned home in the past.

"You look like hell."

"You don't look much better."

Ignoring the retort, Tom moved on knowing these things would be better discussed while they didn't have a 'guest'.

"Can we hog-tie him to something?"

"No."

"Well why not?"

"Because he's already tied to the chair."

"So?"

Alex gave an exasperated sighed but was saved from answering as the man in question stirred in his bindings before slowly opening his eyes. The two teens stared at him as he took in his surroundings and glanced over his shoulder at his bound hands.

He didn't appear to be too happy with the situation. But that was hardly surprising because he didn't look like he even knew how to be happy. He had close cropped dark hair, steely grey eyes, and a scar that looked like some attempted to detach his nose from his face. Said nose, now broken, was bleeding and when he snarled at the boys, they caught view of his bloody mouth.

"The gloves were his idea." Alex informed him jerking his head at Tom and giving his friends full credit. Tom looked rather proud of himself as he nodded.

"I voted to hog-tie you too, but that part got vetoed."

The man did nothing but glare in response. Tom shrugged and turned to Alex.

"So who is he?"

"I dunno. Some stray that must have followed me home."

Alex had just returned from the bank and in his exhaustion hadn't been as careful as usual when returning home. That was a mistake he wouldn't be making again.

"What's his name? What's your name?"

The second question was directed to their captive who blinked in response.

"He looks like a Charlie, don't you think?"

Alex shrugged and hunted around the kitchen for something to eat. Finding the fridge and cupboards empty of anything edible that wouldn't rot his teeth on contact, Alex turned to Tom.

"How do you even survive when I'm not here to bring home food?"

"Take-out. And I even did the dishes this time." He remembered the shatter he heard earlier and turn to see the stack of clean dishes completely destroyed and flecked with bits of blood. The only blood he could see was Charlie's so that's who he spun on.

"You murdered my dishes!"

In contrast to before, this actually got a response. The glob of spit landed about an inch from Tom's foot. Tom stared down in disbelief.

"I think I've been rather understanding about this whole mess, but that was _completely uncalled for_!"

Tom stalked around the kitchen, grabbed a dirty rag, shoved it in the man's mouth, and then whirled around to face Alex.

"When can we get rid of him?"

"They're on their way."

"Thank God. Can we stick him in the closet in the meantime? I can't stand to look at him."

It was some SAS grunts that came to pick the man up. Alex and Tom were on the receiving end of a few odd looks when the soldiers discovered the two teenage boys bickering amongst themselves while their captive sat in the middle of the kitchen tied to a chair. They didn't say much and were gone within a few minutes.

* * *

It was later that evening when the banging started.

"Cub! Come open the damn door or I'm gonna bloody well knock it down!"

Tom was lounging on the couch watching the tv and jumped up at once and stalked to the door. The banging continued and this time was accompanied with a few creative threats.

Flinging the door open, Tom glared at the man that was making the racket. He wasn't all that much taller than Tom, but probably was about three times as thick. With the military hair-cut and bulging muscles he was the picture of intimidation, but Tom was having none of it.

"What the hell do you want?"

The man, who was looking for an irritating and annoying teen, had appeared to found the wrong one. The black-haired blue-eyed squirt was not the brat he was looking for.

"Where's Cub?"

"Cub? There is no one here by that name."

He squinted at the boy and tried to figure out if he was actually wrong or if the brat was lying to him. The boy's face looked too genuinely confused to be lying so the man was about to turn and leave when another figure appeared behind the first.

"Wolf?"

Tom spun to glare at Alex.

"I almost got him to leave. And you're supposed to be asleep."

While Tom could usually be counted on to be completely lighthearted and slightly careless, there were very few things that would cause him to buckle down and be serious about. Alex's return was often one of them. Tom had even gone out and restocked the food supply while Alex was passed out. Talk about being responsible

"What are you, his nanny?" Wolf scoffed.

"Why? Are you looking for the job?"

"Cut it out. Both of you." Alex rubbed his forehead, pushed Tom out of the way, and gestured for Wolf to follow him.

"You can't keep inviting strange men back to my flat like this." Tom called out as he trailed behind the two on the way to the kitchen.

"Your flat?"

"The way I see it, we're splitting the flat but you're only here half the time. Half the half is a quarter. Making the flat three quarters mine. Majority rules."

"You want to pay three quarters rent too?" Tom scowled but had no response to that one.

Wolf snorted in amusement.

"Should have named you pig instead of Wolf." Tom muttered under his breath and hurried to duck behind Alex as Wolf took a threatening step toward him.

Alex got them on opposite sides of the kitchen table before turning to Wolf.

"What are you doing here?"

Wolf's eyes shot to Tom and Alex, understanding his concern, continued.

"Don't worry about Tom, he knows everything."

"I'm his unofficial consultant." Alex rolled his eyes at his friend. "I happen to be very highly skilled in the art of deception and distractions."

As it turned out, Wolf had heard from a few of his buddies that they had picked up some hit man from a teenager's house. Knowing Alex's talent for attracting assassins like flies, Wolf knew the teenager had to be him. So he had been sent by the rest of his unit to investigate since he lived the closest. He was also sent to threaten Alex with death if he didn't meet with the unit the following day.

After getting the story Wolf didn't stay long, probably due to the fact that he was too tempted to strangle Tom. And Wolf had thought Cub was a difficult teenager.

As soon as the door closed behind Wolf, Alex grinned at Tom.

"Nice job driving him off."

"Took ten minutes longer than I thought it would."

Alex was glad to be home.

* * *

**Well... it's real random and pretty rough, but it popped into my head and wouldn't leave. This was the result. Let me know what you think and thanks for reading!**

**Also, I haven't forgotten my other stories. It's really slow progress because I'm not finding much motivation or inspiration but I have not abandoned them.**

**ALSO THIS IS A ONE-SHOT. I'm not planning on continuing.**

**Thanks again!**


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